Today is a day where tiredness gives way to wonder. Together, we’ve all raised $9,489 toward Justin’s $15,000 goal. Seriously. This. is. amazing. I know I shouldn’t be amazed because Heavenly Father has surrounded me with amazing people my entire life, but it’s still mysterious how this whole thing works…this zion heart. I love this quote from Victor Hugo that has been hanging on my mirror since college:
Here are some seemingly small miracles that helped me remember that God is AWAKE today:
I woke up tired. You know what I’m talking about. That bone tired where every joint screams, NOOOOOOOOOO the first time you try to move and you have to lean on things just to stay upright. I talked about it a little in yesterday’s post right before I went to bed. But this is the kind of tired that sleep can’t help. As I was getting ready for work, I said a pretty fervent prayer. I felt desperate, so I started first with all the things that I am grateful for and then moved pretty quickly into all the things I think I need (I know, not cool, right?). The number one thing on my list was for a whole heaping amount of grace (the enabling power of Christ) to help me shoulder the load I feel I am carrying. I want to be Grace Full. and Faith Full. And weak as I am right now, that has to be given to me..I got nothing to muster from wherever it is people muster things. And then I asked Heavenly Father to show me what to do next. I felt that social media had run its course in our campaign…I didn’t think I could ask again for anyone to share our story and post…so I started wracking my brain for things of value that I could try to sell. Sadly, there’s not much. So then I just decided to step back and let God do His work.
And His work, He did do. Through you.
Miracle #1: First there was a letter in our mailbox from my uncle who had already helped us get Justin in the first month of rehab. He helped again financially, but more importantly than that were the words of encouragement and faith in me in particular. As strange as it sounds (and you can call me a crack pot if you want), I felt like that letter didn’t come earlier because I needed it today.
Miracle #2: And then there was Facebook. I feel like the world’s biggest cheeseball, but I started crying as people just started posting again…sharing our story and helping people to our website and the kind donations and stories came, without me asking. I know it’s not easy to share our story and ask people to contribute. I am ashamed to admit that I probably would glance at it in passing and move on if I weren’t the one in need. It’s uncomfortable, but you do it anyway and we are seeing the miracles. I promise, the next time you need help, you can count on me to pay attention. You can count on me. I am changed. I will forever be changed by this experience. And the coolest part was the energy that flooded me. I could feel a hope that I hadn’t felt for what felt like forever (but really, I guess it was 3 days – remember? drama).
Miracle #3: I’m kind of on this kick about the power of witnesses and witnessing. When we step into vulnerability, we allow others to witness who we really are and as we know, “In the mouths of two or three witnesses shall every word be established (2corinthians 13:1).” Today, two strangers (or unmet friends) added notes to their contributions. The first was from a woman who simply quoted me from my “invest in us” letter. She said, “Divinely appointed to this battle, indeed. You got this!” and I don’t know what it was…maybe that fact that I needed to be reminded that I had actually felt that once and written it. Whatever it was, it shook me out of the vicious slump I was in. SHE WAS A WITNESS to the strength of the present moment and that grace that I had pleaded for earlier in the day. The second note was from a recovering addict who shared his story of 20 years of using and the beauty of the last 8 months of sobriety and recovery. HE WAS A WITNESS to the hope that lies ahead.
All in all, I think that this whole day was a WITNESS to the goodness of people and God. I’m sure there are people who would love to argue with me that these are coincidence or nice things but not miracles. I believe that a miracle is a shift in perception, a personal revelation, the chance to see a new way over, under, through, or across the sea that keeps you from the salvation in your life. Today I saw and understood more clearly than before that God will part that water, not me. So, yeah. I think that’s a miracle to me. And I will sleep in peace tonight (especially because I bought a new sleep eye mask and ear plugs so as to ignore grandpa the cat’s 5 am cries), thank you, Victor.
PS> there hasn’t been much to process in the way of my relationship with Justin because there’s no time for him to call these days…so it’s mostly just business and “love you” and not much else. and he’s still waiting for video approval 😦 boo hiss. But don’t worry…next week is Family Week and I’m going to the whole thing this time. Juicy rehab stories will abound.